Red Sonja was in her early 30s and sat at a desk in a big, semi-decorated office. I didn't have time to look around, since I was trying to maintain eye contact and give a firm handshake and all that stuff our dads told us to do. The interview went by pretty quickly with basic questions like, "Do you have any experience?" or "Are you legally able to work in the US?". I answered "Si" as a joke, but she barely cracked a smile. I could already tell she had a serious guard up for some reason. She spoke quickly and firmly, not giving much time for pleasant conversation. I felt rushed, but my answers were good and actually answered the questions. She ended by telling me they would look over the other applicants and call me later that day to let me know if I could move on to the next round. I asked her what the next round was and she gave a very broad description, saying I would be shadowing a "senior" representative. Ooooh, senior! How professional! We said our goodbyes, shook hands, and I left the building. I considered that interview's throat thoroughly punched. I was on top of the world, confident I would be the next Junior Marketing Representative.
It was about 4:32 pm when I got the call. They wanted me. They wanted me bad, I thought. I was told to show up at the building the next morning and that I should wear "comfortable shoes". I didn't think too much about that, but wouldn't one assume to wear comfortable shoes? I don't know how many guys out there who question if they should wear some black loafers or 6-inch stilletos to their job interview. I went to bed that night, imagining me blowing them all away with my creativity as we all sit in some large conference room, doing business stuff. I was jazzed, once again.
That morning, I was selective of my music I would listen to as I pull into the building's parking lot. What would be the most impressive music to play, just in case they overhear it? I needed something interesting, but not obscure. It would also need to pump me up. I went with Bruce Springsteen's The Wild, The Innocent, & The E Street Shuffle. The Boss is a familiar voice, but that album lacks the predictable hits.
When I got to the building, there were already people in the parking lots. I noticed that the 3 other guys from the previous day were there. This made me sad because I thought I was the special one. I felt like Sarah in The Land Before Time when she keeps running into the tree to knock down the leaves, so Little Foot, Ducky, Spike, and Petrie throw their leaves to make Sarah think that she's knocking them down, but she really isn't and then Sharp Tooth comes in and roars and scares everyone and....oh, forget it. The reference has probably lost you. Come back?
FREE T-SHIRTS!!!!!!!!
Did that work? Great! Ok, so Red Sonja walked out and introduced me to the "senior" representative that I was going to be shadowing. We'll call her...Boba Fett. There was also another girl that was going with us which we'll call...Harriet Winslow. Boba Fett asked me to help her load a table and a mysterious ice chest into the back of her truck, which I agreed to do. I had no idea what we would need a table and mysterious ice chest for, but I just did what I was told. No questions asked. We loaded up the truck, and we all got inside. I had no idea where we were going and no idea why I couldn't have just met them there. For all I knew, they were going to put some burlap sack on my head and force me into some kind of cult. Which wouldn't be that bad as long as they didn't expect me to participate in the group suicide. That is probably the only time where questions would be asked. "Now, why are we killing ourselves? Have we considered other options here?"
Anywho, we arrived at our destination: a bank. This was not the majestic, downtown office building I imagined we'd be going to; sipping martinis and chatting it up with business executives and CEOs. In my mind, that's what "business" people were like. Like most things, I base my presumptions on movies I watched as a kid from 1987 to 1996. Boba Fett and Harriet Winslow got out and slid the table from the back. I was put in charge of carrying the mysterious ice chest. As I carried it towards the front doors of the bank, I thought "What could be inside?! Are there going to be orange slices and Hi-C's like after soccer games when I was a kid? Or will it be filled with martinis and cigars that we plan on sharing with the upper management of the bank? OH THE POSSIBILITIES!!!"
Walking into the lobby, Boba Fett and Harriet Winslow had already set up the table and were waiting for me to arrive with the ice chest. Boba Fett left to find the manager of the bank to check if it's ok that we set up. What are we setting up? Harriet Winslow opened up the ice chest and I peered inside over her shoulder. What was inside was greatly disappointing and yet a perplexing addition to the already confusing puzzle of why we're at a bank. Inside was make-up, and lots of it. Harriet Winslow started setting the make-up along the table in a nice, linear presentation. Then, it hit me. We're at a bank so we can sell make-up! WHAT?! What was I doing there?! I'm no salesman, let alone make-up salesman! Boba Fett came back giving us the go ahead, and Harriet Winslow reached back in the ice chest and pulled out a huge banner. She spread it across the table so that the banner hung in front. The banner was for some charity that gives kids dental attention that do not have it. It had "smile" in the title, but I can't remember the name. I put two and two together, and realized we were selling make-up and the proceeds go to this charity. That's not too bad, right? If it's for a good cause, I can do anything. Except group suicide. If I'm going to kill myself, I want it to be in the privacy of my ex-girlfriend's bathroom thank you very much.
As the day progressed, Boba Fett was selling make-up like Snuggies. She spoke excellent Spanish, so she was able to speak with a lot of the local people coming in. It made me sad, though, because a lot of people were coming in to cash their paychecks. Boba Fett would subtly guilt-trip them into helping out a good cause. Since they were cornered, and Boba Fett had a pretty face, they would give in and buy 20 bucks worth of make-up, sometimes more. I would feel uneasy every sale we got. To make it worse, Harriet Winslow told me that only like .2% actually went to the charity. "That's a crock, Harriet Winslow", I said. After that, I knew I wanted nothing to do with this "marketing" company. I decided right then and there that I would not take the Junior Marketing Representative position, and I would do it not only for me, but also for all the gingivitis-ridden mouths of all the children out there!
It got to be about 2:27 when Boba Fett and I sat down for the interview portion of the day. Before she even started, I told her how I felt and that I don't think I would fit with this company. She respected my feelings, but since I didn't have a car I had to stay with them until the end of the day which was about 5:30. The rest of the day I just made random conversation with Harriet Winslow while Boba Fett sold more make-up. Harriet Winslow turned out to be pretty smart, so it confused me why she would get into such a swindle such as what this marketing company did. Oh well! The day finally ended, and I went home satisfied and jobless.
My first impression of marketing was not good, as you can tell. However, my view quickly changed once I started actually researching marketing. It seems there's a lot of companies out there that trick young college grads into this kind of work. A good friend of mine had the same thing happen to him, except they actually went door to door. Crazy, right?
Being an intern here at Melaroo, I feel much more excited and confident about getting into marketing. Melaroo, so far, is an exciting marketing company. The very fact that I was allowed to reference Family Matters, alcoholism, cult suicide, and Star Wars in one blog post shows that Melaroo is a progressive-minded company. And nothing says "progressive" like a good ol' Land Before Time reference, right?
